Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Can we please get over this?

I'm more and more appalled by the monotony of the spam I get at my work email address. A thousand different euphemisms are employed to sell penis enlargement - usually the message is clearly about that. But even ones with subject lines about some other aspect of sex or relationships are inevitably about expanding your love stick. It's strange to see men so objectified, boiled down to one ridiculous measurement.

Someone with no concept of human sexuality would come away from my inbox with the idea that it was all penises, all the time. Nothing about tickling or tongues or words or fingers in each other's hair. Nothing about fun or kindness. Nothing about women, except as rapt admirers of penises. And as for the rest of human interaction, you would think it consisted of mocking men without huge zucchini between their legs. ("Zucchini" is actually a far gentler metaphor than the emails use. If I'm ever approached by an organ that could be described as a "cannon", "anaconda", "monster", or "power drill", I'll run the other way.)

The sad thing is that they wouldn't send so many of these messages if they didn't work. Fear sells.

4 comments:

Cass said...

I laughed so hard I almost died. Srsly.

Julia said...

Has no one else noticed the zucchini resemblance? It can be distracting when you're picking them.

Baba Rob said...

Apparently the BOT that sends these messages does not differentiate the sex of the addressee. Or else it's just a blanket mailing hoping someone will fall and give out their bankcard information in order to obtain an increased schlong. I wonder if any farmer has ordered one of these products hoping for an increased yield in the garden? The other message that floods my inbox offers to sell me a replica of a Rolex or some other high end time piece. As one who does not wear a watch, unfortunately, I cannot tell when it's time to enlargen my member. BTW, I once accused a boss of crushing and snorting MEGADIK, since he was turning into such a big prick. Keep up the good work, Julia

David said...

Maybe take heart that it probably sells at extremely low rates (since it's still profitable)? I once read numbers about this kind of thing.

I love your blog, Julia. Dunno how I didn't start reading it so much sooner.

-David