Thursday, June 22, 2006

Who we are

After a fairly static spring and summer, I feel I've aged a year in the past four days. In a good way (since twenty-two is still pretty green, no?) Lots of talking with people who are a lot farther along than I am and thinking.

One thing that's come up fairly often in my thoughts here is how partnerships and marriages should work. One woman told us about her cousin whose husband realized at age 62 that he was supposed to be a woman. He has now transitioned, but the marriage is still together. Another transwoman gave a talk on her experience, including how at the time she realized she was a woman, her wife decided the marriage was over.

I'm having a hard time with that. I can't imagine revoking a marriage because the person I loved was in a different body or a different gender. All our bodies and minds change anyway - and if he's not the man you married, well, at 62 he wasn't the man you married anyway. It makes me think a lot about the nature of love - how much can a person change before you don't consider yourself bound to them anymore? What is it that you love about a lover that's different from a friend? And what is it that makes you you - how big a part of you is your gender? Your sex? Would you still be you if either of those were different?

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